Fender skirts!" What a great blast from the past! I hadn't
thought about fender skirts in years.
When I was a kid, I considered it such a funny term. Made me
think of a car in a dress.
Thinking about fender skirts started me thinking about other
words that quietly disappear from our language with hardly a notice.
Like "curb feelers" and "steering knobs."
Since I'd been thinking of cars, my mind naturally went that
You kids will probably have to find some elderly person over
to explain some of these terms to you.
Remember "Continental kits?" They were rear bumper extenders
spare tire covers that were supposed to make any car as cool as a
When did we quit calling them "emergency brakes?"
At some point "parking brake" became the proper term.
But I miss the hint of drama that went with "emergency brake."
I'm sad, too, that almost all the old folks are gone who would
call the accelerator
the "foot feed."
Here's a phrase I heard all the time in my youth but never
anymore - "store-bought."
Of course, just about everything is store-bought these days.
once it was bragging material to have a store-bought dress or a
store-bought bag of candy.
"Coast to coast" is a phrase that once held all sorts of
excitement and now means
almost nothing. Now we take the term "worldwide" for granted.
This floors me.
On a smaller scale, "wall-to-wall" was once a magical term in
In the '50s, everyone covered their hardwood floors with,
Today, everyone replaces their wall-to-wall carpeting with
When's the last time you heard the quaint phrase "in a family
It's hard to imagine that the word "pregnant" was once
considered a little too graphic,
a little too clinical for use in polite company. So we had all
that talk about stork visits and "being in a family way" or simply
Apparently "brassiere" is a word no longer in usage.
I said it the other day and my granddaughter cackled. I guess
it's just "bra" now.
"Unmentionables" probably wouldn't be understood at all.
It's hard to recall that this word was once said in a
And no one is called a "divorcee" anymore. Certainly not a
Come to think of it, "confirmed bachelors" and "career girls"
are long gone, too.
Most of these words go back to the '50s, but here's a
word I came across the other day - "rat fink." Ooh, what a nasty
Here's a word I miss - "percolator." That was just a fun word
And what was it replaced with? "Coffeemaker."
How dull. Mr. Coffee, I blame you for this.
I miss those made-up marketing words that were meant to sound
and now sound so retro. Words like "DynaFlow" and
Introducing the 1963 Admiral TV, now with "SpectraVision!"
Food for thought - Was there a telethon that wiped out
Nobody complains of that anymore. Maybe that's what castor oil
because I never hear mothers threatening their kids with
Some words aren't gone, but are definitely on the endangered
The one that grieves me most - "supper." Save a great word.
Invite someone to supper. Discuss fender skirts.
STEVEN WRIGHT HUMOUR
If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous
scientist who once said:
"I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen...and replaced by
exact duplicates." His mind sees things differently than we do, to our
amazement and amusement.
Here are more of his gems:
Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film!
It's All Relative...
Have you been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking. surely I cannot look that old?
You may enjoy this short story...
While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name.
Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school.
"Yes," he replied.
"When did you graduate?" I asked.
He answered, "In 1964. Why?"
"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?"
Rodney Dangerfield's 21 Best One Liners
1. I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy... I'd have had nothing to play with.
2. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.
3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
4. One day I came home early from work ... I saw a guy jogging naked.
I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said "Because you came home early."
5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off.
I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
6. I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.
8. I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
9. I'm so ugly...My father carried around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
11. I'm so ugly...My mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.
12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?"
He said,"I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
15. I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.
16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with me?"
He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.
My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it.
20. One year they wanted to make me poster boy for birth control.
21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.